Late night confession

This is more like a midnight confession rather than a normal mundane-looking blogging session. Truth be told, since I got back home, my feelings have been churning inside of me like a ship wreck. Everything seems so not normal these days and I constantly experience drastic emotional changes that I wish to never ever haunt or even pester my mind again. I feel gloomy for no good reason at all. And for a second there, I start to feel all angry and emotional. Am I suffering from a mental disorder? Okay, I hope not and I just don't want that to be in the list of plausible answers later on.

Currently, I feel like I'm riding an emotional roller coaster which makes my feeling all topsy-turvy. Sometimes, I feel happy and the next thing I just feel all gloomy and oppressed. Actually, there have been so many things going on lately with my life that it maybe sometimes strikes me in the head that I'm just too blind to realise it. Though I might be smiling from the outside but my inner thoughts are scarred with these long past bad memories. It needs healing and I've been ignoring it for such a long time now.

One of the best ways of curing this type of ailment-heart issues, is to concede your feelings to whom you believe is the closest to you. As to me, God has always been my one and only best friend. I know I won't get any clear reply from Him but I know he's listening attentively to me without judging me ever so quickly. He'll help me if He thought that I'm sincere enough which makes it even more valuable. I might not be the ideal figure to Him but I'm trying my best to portray myself as a good follower to Him with the hope of my problems fading away.

I usually have this recurring issue after spending much time wandering my mind off somewhere that these past bad memories just came back in a whole bundle, just to haunt me back with its perplexing problems. Sometimes, I would just sink in into those problems and drown myself without even realising it. I know I need somekind of disclosure with someone but as I said, no one else can do this job better than Him. My only hope is for Him to help me and give me strength for which can help me to face my arduous life ahead. I think this is more than enough to help me reconcile with my own inner thoughts that it'll subside the pain a bit. :)