But as I grew older, everything seems to change and my ideology of a perfect life has also changed. It was this year that had actually really took my by a stupendous surprise. I thought by obtaining that result that I have always wanted, I could possibly gain anything- I can choose any scholarships I want, I can go to anywhere I want and I practically choose my own path to a freed happy life.
Those dreams, those hope were then crushed into oblivion when I did not get anything. I was so sad that it took me months and months to recover emotionally. I was depicting this joyful bouyant guy when in fact, my emotions were churning wildly like big whirlpools inside my heart. I had no one to tell this to that I bore this inside my heart for weeks until it finally exploded one day. It was the most difficult moment in my life and I was so ignorant to realise the fact that everything was going to be fine that I chose not to believe it.
I wasn't stern as I was used to and I couldn't think straight and everything seemed so blurry to me. At that moment, I contemplated for a very very long time. It took me quite a long time to realise that fame, money, wealth and fortune are not everything. Happiness is what's important here. The essential part about all of this is that, though you might have a big condominium, a shiny red racing car and hectars and hectars of land, it can never ensure that you'll achieve that total happiness you've been searching for.
You might have a lot of money but are you happy with you're current life? And are you happy doing what you're currently doing right now? I don't want to spend my whole life doing something I don't want to. It's taking away my happiness though I might gain wealth in return. It's just not what I'm looking for. I want to live my life peacefully without anyone telling me what I should and shouldn't do. I want to carve my own path and not someone else telling me to. Yes people would go to great lengths just to obtain this luxury but I wouldn't. It's better for me to live a short happy life than to live a long painful one.
I see so many of my friends going through this phase of life and only realising the dreams of others and not their own. They're living in the shadows of others, blaming themselves for the mistakes they've made after that. I know that good education will bring you amendments to your life but if it also brings you misery then I really think you should stop from enduring this suffering. I'm telling this to myself for I have spent 18 years being taught to achieve what I want but never to do things that can please me.
Sensing the pleasure of life really gives you peace at mind and serenity at heart. I want that. I want to be happy and not engrossing myself in this wild mind set that I need to gain money to be happy. No I don't want that. I want life as it is to me and relying solely on god for this. I believe in becoming successful but I don't believe doing the things that you despise of doing will get you to the path you want to. It'll only make you suffer even more.