Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Self reminder

I know with all the negativity that is potrayed in this blog, most of you would feel there's no use to reading this type of nonsense. But who cares? I don't.

Well, today I'm feeling a little bit sad. I resent this feeling. I had something pestering my mind and I know what it was but I don't feel like disclosing it. It has something to do with personal issues specifically to how I feel. Have you ever wanted to scream it out loud so that everybody can hear and listen to you? Yeah, that's me but I don't have the guts. I can't even tell it to myself. I'm just ignorant and can't seem to concede to the fact that life is not always what it seems. Sometimes you feel happy about yourself and most of the times, you don't.

Just so you know, I stop hoping since months ago. I know hopes they tend to transform into dreams. And dreams make you feel that it is possible to come true. That's the most dangerous thing about it when you know that it might come true and suddenly it won't, you would just feel like everything is not what you see, feel and touch, smell and most importantly hear. Your desire to stay on track has come to an end and you don't know what to do anymore. Despite how determine I am to stay on my feet, honestly I can't.

People say they can stay positive after something awful happened to them and I can't seem to take hold of that. The idea to stay strong though you know that in reality everything is not what you intended it to be, just irked me. I feel deceived. And I can't keep on telling myself all of these lies. I can't tell myself that everything's going to be alright when it's not.

I need to be honest and just go straight to the mirror and knock some senses into my own head that I'm not what I hoped that I would be. I'm not even close to being what I had in my mind. It's just the figment of my awfully creative imagination. I don't know why people tend to believe that I'm that strong. I'm not people! I'm just not. I know this might sound so stupid but I can't rely on my thoughts that everything's going to be fine as it was before. No it's not. It's not going to be okay unless there's some tangible effort you're putting into it. And right now the only thing I can see is that how I love to lay back and procrastinate. That's not the sign of success. That's a weakness that I need to tackle on. An issue that has been long suffocating me and my thoughts.

Now the wrath that it brings clouds every detail, every judgement, every single idea I had in mind. It's all gone because I'm too busy slacking off. Husain. Husaini. Husen! Or what ever name you call yourself, please stop nagging on tiny details and just see the big picture. Yeah everything's ruined. You have finally realised that but just move on dude. Life is not about success, it's about how you curb those failure and turn it into one of your best success. Life is all about truth, honesty and reality. Life is negativity but you just to need put some effort so that it can be thought positively. So dude, man you're just stupid now but it's okay you can be dumb-looking but just don't quit.

You failed so what's so harsh about it? Just move on. No one cares how hapless you are. Just think of this as another of your sad moments and what kind of self-biography would it be if it doesn't have any downfalls. It's life dude so it's normal to have those moments where you feel that everything's not alright. And it is not alright, it's reality. Stop sulking and be honest to yourself.

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