Random thought on random evening

Do I enjoy reading that much? I would probably say no. But I do read just not as much as most people would. And I do love writing but I won't call myself as addicted to it because I only write when I want or feel to and sometimes, I would only do half of it and just left the other parts on hiatus for a very long time or even forever.

I don't understand people. I don't even understand myself most of the time. I even lie to myself. I know it's kind of weird to say that but I do. It's like when you're drinking a cup of coffee but you keep on telling yourself that's it's actually a tea that you're drinking. So the situation would most have the correlation to what I was trying to convey.

I think it's just my nature to lie to myself. Maybe it's a survival mechanism? I don't really know. But sometimes, it makes myself feel all vulnerable and there are even at times that I feel I'm just hurting myself more than to protect it. Should I accept the fact, I would probably hold myself stuck to the ground even longer, I think. I don't know.

It's even harder to intrepret to what you're action comes next. You either be mad at something or just yell frantically without any other substantial reason as to why you did so, but you just do it. This ambiguity is what making me think that my life is unfathomable. I can't really sense any revelation or disclosure to my action though sometimes it only makes sense after for a very long time.

I respect people who have the full control of themselves. I'm just really jealous to see my friends who have no worries whatsoever. Sometimes, I just wish that I could be in their shoes. But it's like what they say, you couldn't really sense any living creatures just by watching the surface of the water. You'd need to dive into it in order to explore those diverse lives living under it.

I might be looking at a successful person but deep down inside, the problems are just aching to explode into million of sharp pieces of glass that could easily hurt the latter.

Well, I think that's all that I could write for now. But if I found other things to talk about, I will surely come here, to impart the message.